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Thursday, March 13, 2014

I finally made a will, in which I might have mentioned a lobster and ACDC

Writing a will is one of those things that you really should do- especially when you have kids, because let's face it- you really want to pick which of your crazy relatives get the darlings if you kick the bucket, right? Well I've been meaning to do that and today I finally did!  Just an on-line create a will thing, but once I get it witnessed.  I find it very challenging to do grown up kinds of things, so I may have been a little creative in my terminology and last wishes.

My current situation calls for a little creativity though , since I am divorced but reunited with my ex husband.  So I was a little stumped on what to call him in the will.  I finally settled on " I appoint Michael, my Lobster , as my representative... Because that's what we call each other.  Like Phoebe said on Friends, which if you watched Friends ,you know , and if you didn't ,it's too long to explain and I can't find a good link.  Anyway...

Also, I may have added the following additional instructions: (okay I definitely did)

I will require the following songs to be played at a memorial service : Amazing Grace- Dropkick Murphys version, It's the End of the World as we Know it- REM, Highway to Hell- ACDC. There should  be alcohol and cake as well as any additional food my surviving family sees fit, probably bacon. Also, my ashes should be split into small bags for my family and friends who wish to participate in my travelling funeral and I ask that they take me with them when they go somewhere cool and sprinkle a little of me there.

I assume that I will make a new one since this may call in to question the soundness of my mind, but then anyone who knew me will know that's about as sound as I get, so maybe not- maybe if it were all serious, no one would believe it was really my will and then it would be stuck in the courts for years and nobody would get any of the special bequests I put in there... No spoilers, you'll just have to wait and see what you get! And that's both a threat and a promise! 

Sunday, February 23, 2014

UPDATED- About Time- or why a skinny ginger English guy can bag Rachel McAdams

 UPDATE- a warning label/ disclaimer/ I wrote this last night while high on Ambien but still unable to sleep , so if it doesn't make exact sense, that would be why! You've been warned...- We watched the movie About Time last weekend and it was one of those where you weren't 100% sure you liked it because it moved sort of slow until suddenly you LOVED it because it got there and somehow managed to  you with it... Know what I mean?  It was charming, amusing , touching, and heart rending , while being uplifting and ever so slightly raunchy.  In other words- utter perfection! And I won't say any more about the movie to give anything away, but it did give me some crystal clear moments of pure love and joy with my littler daughter that I otherwise surely would have missed .  I encourage you to watch this movie and take from it the wonderful messages that I did- it will make your life better and more filled with joy- and who couldn't use that? Also on a side note- totally awesome soundtrack.  I am not a paid endorser of the film- just a happy advocate of a movie that makes you think about it - and act.  Cheerio, my friends! 

Sunday, February 16, 2014

Israel?? Is that really you?

Just a short note - because I love to see where people may be reading from and I noticed that Israel has 770 hits on my page this week? Really??!!!! I was shocked and thrilled!!  And curious- my entire blog's history had maybe 200 hits from Israel and now there's 770 this week alone?  Pretty impressive stats you're throwing there... I LIKE it!! Keep talking me up in temple folks! I'll be here all week,  try the beef! 

I'm too lazy for this blog, too lazy for the car on the catwalk!!!

I'm too sexy for this car, too sexy for this car oh that's where we are!!!!!  Okay, that is enough of Right Said Fred for today.  I was just thinking about blogging about my new lamp and I realized that I am far too lazy to go downstairs to get a picture of it, which made me think/sing that song in my head.  It's an awesome lamp, beautiful and just the right amount of hip- not too painfully trendy, but a slight ironic nod to yesteryear.  It's a gourd shaped, mercury glass base with a retro shade.  Or, if you're my fourteen year old, apparently, it's a bong lamp!! Didn't even occur to me when we were buying it that it does indeed look like a giant water bong - which delights me on the one aspect- well, we're totally cool!  And then there's the thought of  " how the hell does my fourteen year old know what a bong looks like?!!!!" And then I sit next to the lamp feeling suddenly chilled out and realize that social media has made it possible to see a bong in virtual reality, no contact buzz needed.  Thank you Miley Cyrus for that!  And so many other things I won't detail here.  So I choose to believe that my girl is just differently educated than her dear old Mom by virtue of her generations exposure to Twitter and Instagram.  That is my story and I'm sticking with it!  Until I see seeds and stems floating in it, that is what I'm going with! So, now I just need to figure out how to get some water in, kidding!!! I'm far too lazy to DIY it! 

Wednesday, January 8, 2014

2014- It's got to be better!

Hey there!  Long time no see me, I know! So 2013 was a very eventful year...and I had about zero energy for anything other than just trying to get through each day.  Here are all the things that 2013 brought:

1. Dealing with my Dad's sudden death ( a leftover from Dec 2012- he died on 12-12-12)
2. Getting through the Disney vacation of Doom
3. Fear of my Mom dying, as she came back from vacation of doom with pneumonia
4. Coping with managing my Mom's care while while working full time, two hours away
5. Cleaning out my parents hoarder home- with lots of help, thankfully
6. Divorce
7. Moving
8. Job stress
9. New job
10. Dating
11. Reconciliation
12. Another move

So technically, I should be dead! If you believe the stress indicators mumbo jumbo, my head should have exploded at about number 6 on the list.  And I am- and my relationship with my once and future husband has never been better.  Sometimes there is nothing like losing it all to realize and appreciate what you had.  I am incredibly fortunate to have had a transition through this all with the support of my "lobster" ( Friends reference)  who had grace and dignity and kindness when by all rights he should have been bitter and nasty and mean, but that just goes to show you- sometimes you don't really know everything about someone until they are pushed all the way to the wall.  I learned a lot in 2013 about human nature in general, myself, my family and love.  I would never want to repeat it, but I do believe we've come out the better for it on the other side.  Although there are some relationships that may never be fully mended after the events of the past year, the opportunity is there and for that I am grateful.  For my friends who have whiplash after watching me this past year, I thank you for not telling me I'm crazy and for supporting and loving me anyway! So far, 2014 is a nice change from last year and I'm looking forward to a much more peaceful new year.  Wishing all of you and yours a joyous and low stress 2014!

Wednesday, July 24, 2013

Chuck E Cheese is evil...but I lived to tell the tale- bad pun alert- tail!

So, little daughter wanted to go to Chuck E Cheese today after work.  Normally, I'd RATHER POKE OUT MY OWN EYES.  Sorry, didn't mean to yell.  But seriously, that place is the bowels of parental hell.  Like seventh circle of Dante's Inferno blazing hell, people!   But tonight, I found the magic combination that took some of the burn out! 

1.  Beer
2.  Bacon pizza
3. The best new game ever- Slap Happy

It's basically a total ticket grab- you slap a button for the cost of one token and get a random amount of tickets- but I slapped the crap out of that thing and it was awesome!  We ended up with 656 tickets, I survived the night, and I got to slap the crap out of something! Win, win and win! A beer and some good ole fashioned slapping action does a lot to offset the loud mouse singing and crazy small snotty children. 

Not much of a post tonight, but all of the above still does not offset massive headache from the sulfur fumes of the sixth circle...

Wahh haa haa ha haaa!!! What fresh hell can I conjure...

Sunday, July 7, 2013

It's true- I'm a total freak

Today someone asked me about my blog- how many followers I have (not many) and how many hits I have.  I admit, I am a total freak about that.  I have over 14,000 hits- which I have no idea whether that is good or bad, I just know it excites the hell out of me!  When I started this blog- I had maybe200 hits the whole first 6 months.  So 14,000 + seems like an enourmouse number!  And I love seeing people all over the world stumble upon my blog and hopefully return!  I mentioned that I suddenly have a lot of hits from the Ukraine- which I am completely jazzed about!  But what I haven't mentioned is that I have felt very upset about not having any readers in South America- UNTIL TODAY!!!!  So here is the official welcome to South America- I had one hit from Venezuela!  I was over the moon to see it- and I love all of the people who come to visit me, but I must say that this one person- That's right-you in Venezuela- you are extra special to me!  Send me your name please and I will write you a poem!  Probably not up to the Ambien standards of Felony Melanie... but I'll do my very best!  So welcome to my one Venezuelan- I'm so glad you came!  Hopefully you come back so you'll see this post welcoming you.  I feel like I should have had precognition so that when you came to my blog the welcome would have been waiting for you.  Because what if you never come back?  You'll never see the welcome and how much I love you!  Okay, that is really weird, even for me.  I'm a total freak.